Today we are going to talk about Selena Gomez’s new song “Lose You to Love Me.” It was released a month ago and still keeps a pretty high position in different charts. This song marked Selena’s grand return to the stage. The singer commented on the rumours about her brand-new song, confirming that it is dedicated to her ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber. Of course, fans were sure about the veracity of their guesses before that, but now they know the whole truth about the creation of “Lose You to Love Me,” which we are going to examine a bit later. According to Gomez, she wrote this song about a year ago. And it is probably one of the most emotional of all her songs. Her devoted admirers did not have any doubts that the singer always tells the truth about her life in the songs. And this song is no exception. Gomez opened her soul to the audience, conveying everything that she felt after breaking up with Bieber.
Everyone has heard that after the final breakup with Justin Bieber in 2018, Selena Gomez got to a psychiatric hospital. The artist was experiencing a nervous breakdown and depression, so she decided to seek help from doctors. She wrote several compositions about her unhappy love being there and, as you may have guessed, one of them is “Lose You to Love Me.” During this time, Justin renewed the love affair with Haley Baldwin and even made her a marriage proposal. At the end of September 2019, the couple arranged a luxurious wedding. While Selena has begun to restore her career after treatment. It took her a long time to get through this, and it seems this song has become something like an end of the chapter of the story. Let’s analyze the lines of the song to get the whole picture of what happened since the singer states that she doesn’t love and even cannot write a song about something she hasn’t gone through.
Verse One
You promised the world and I fell for it
Since we already mentioned that this song was dedicated to her relationship with her ex-boyfriend, it is easy to guess that Selena, like millions of other girls, loves with her ears, and her ex used this feature to the fullest. She believed in all his words because she was listening to sayings that she wanted to hear. For example, he could promise to do something for her and did nothing because, in fact, it wasn’t important for him. Selena could justify another deception and believe that he was busy, forgot, or just couldn’t do something for numerous reasons. Just over time, she understood the fact that he regularly forgot or did not have the opportunity meant just that he didn’t love her enough to turn his words into actions.
I put you first and you adored it
When she fell in love with her ex-boyfriend, she put his desires and wishes first, forgetting about herself. She was “blind” with love and tenderness, not noticing that the partner just accepted all the things he got and adored such a course of events. He forgot that there are two people in any relationship, and both of them should work on the development and get feedback, otherwise, they turn into a one-sided road. However, Selena was doing the whole work on her own. Perhaps she thought that he was the best that had ever happened in her life. For example, she could be “the only person who understands him.” And she believed in all these stories and miserable games. And only over time she got that it had been a way to gain control of her. She was dependent on him both emotionally and psychologically.
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off-key in my chorus
‘Cause it wasn’t yours
Not everyone is ready to give as well as to share if they don’t get any profit. It seems her ex-boyfriend didn’t care much about her feelings and desires. Toxic people make friends pretty easy, and it has something to do with a constant search for recognition and benefits to raise their self-esteem, but they don’t care about others. Her ex-boyfriend didn’t make efforts to improve their relationships and meet challenges because he knew that this story wouldn’t have a happy end. He was not going to continue this relationship, so he didn’t see any reason to contribute to their healthy development, so he could allow himself to “sang off-key.” When he left, he burnt not only their bridges but also “her forest,” and maybe it was the root cause of why she found herself in the hospital, being depressed and crushed. It’s not easy to realize that you were dating a narcissist who didn’t care about anything but his needs and ego.
I saw the signs and I ignored it
Rose-coloured glasses all distorted
When she fell in love with her ex, she experienced that wonderful euphoric feeling, which was the result of the flow of hormones secreted by the body. As you know, these chemicals make you feel amazing, at maximum, because they activate the pleasure centre in your brain but blur the ability to judge and perceive everything adequately. So, Selena was obsessed with her boyfriend, and it was hard for her to focus on something else. Chemistry creates a strong attraction that is difficult to resist; that’s why “Rose-colored glasses all distorted.” It made her feel so good, keep in touch and turn a blind eye to the red flags. It was about wishful thinking. She wanted that relationship to work out and saw things through rose-coloured glasses.
When you are young, romantic, and lovesick, it’s easy to start ignoring all the signs. So, Selena understood much later that her ex-boyfriend was his own biggest fan who didn’t care about her feelings.
Set fire to my purpose
And I let it burn
You got off on the hurtin‘
When it wasn’t yours, yeah
It’s safe to assume that Selena and her ex-boyfriend were dreaming about certain things and maybe discussed them many times, but in the end, it turned out that he didn’t share that purpose. It was easy for him to pretend that everything was okay, and they would be happy together, but maybe he knew from the very beginning that Selena was his “a way station” till he wouldn’t meet someone better. It is exactly what happened. Taking into account all previous lines, it is possible to conclude that that couple had a toxic relationship in which the girl became a victim of abuse. In such relationships, often the victim suffers from pressure and emotional violence but cannot leave them; this is one of the reasons why they need medical treatment to get back to normal.
Pre-Chorus
We’d always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dance, it was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah
It seems it’s possible to replace these lines with a well-known statement, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” His last act helped her open eyes and realize what was going on as well as get rid of illusions. Sometimes we need to lose something to get the better thing instead. In the case of Selena, she had to break up with her ex-boyfriend and leave that toxic relationship to become the better version of herself and discover her inner strength. And hatred of her ex has become a driving force of her love for herself.
Chorus
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me
Love is one of the greatest things a person can experience in life, but only if it is mutual and has a healthy foundation. If, in the beginning, it can be passion, interesting, craving for fresh emotions, then later, each of the partners has the right to expect deeper feelings. It seems her ex-boyfriend couldn’t answer why he was next to her because he was just using her as the most suitable option at the moment and was waiting for someone better (we even know who it was). Life with an abuser affects one’s self-esteem and can lead to terrible consequences, so Selena needed first to lose her ex to begin finally to love herself. She is like a phoenix rising self-born from the ashes.
Verse 2
I gave my all and they all know it
Then you tore me down and now it’s showing
Selena was ready to devote her life to that one-sided relationship until she took a step aside and saw the whole picture. She let her emotions blind her as well as let her boyfriend use her because she had strong feelings for him. Maybe she went crazy with happiness when he agreed with her plans and was ready to faint with joy when he gave her attention instead of overshadowing her as always. She didn’t realize that her relationship with an abuser deprived her of her personality. She was jumping through hoops to win the love of the man who didn’t notice her most of the time. Selena gave up her happiness, tranquillity, and self-esteem to win his love, but it was in vain. And she was left high and dry.
In two months, you replaced us
Like it was easy
It is a reference to the fact that it took Justin only two months to start dating Hailey Baldwin after breaking up with Selena. Yeah, it seems that a breakup of a long-term relationship cannot be that easy, and everyone needs time to recover and think things through before starting a new love affair. However, if you turn to psychology, you will understand that narcissists and abusers start looking for someone else, even still being in a relationship. Since they don’t care about the feeling of the person and pursue their own agenda, it’s easy for them to find a replacement for the cloying partner.
Made me think I deserved it
In the thick of healing, yeah
When you are in an abusive relationship for a long time, your picture of the world distorts, and an abuser tries to low self-esteem of the partner in every possible way to be able to manipulate and get control. So, it’s not surprising that her ex-boyfriend tried to convince her that she deserved all that because, maybe, “she was not enough for him in many aspects.” Actually, a person can be the best, the kindest and the most loving partner, but they can be still not enough for a narcissist and manipulator. Maybe he made every effort to ensure that Selena got confused in her own doubts and make her realize her worthlessness. So, when she tried to recover and get back to normal, he could continue to instil a sense of guilt in her.
Outro
And now the chapter is closed and done
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
And now it’s goodbye, it’s goodbye for us
Having got out of that relationship, she felt broken and completely crushed. However, she gained strength and put an end to toxicity. His actions were painful and cruel enough to make her realize that this was the last straw. It was one of her most difficult decisions, but it gave her a ton of strength to close that chapter of their story. This was the moment of truth, the realization of how much she neglected herself, her health, and life. She started thinking with her head instead of a heart. She got rid of illusions and realized the scale of the catastrophe. Selena realized her own value and understood that she deserved to be a number one priority. The artist has got through the healing process and got confidence that she can turn the page of her life and move further.
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